so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
