my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
