I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
