Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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