just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
