i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
50% drunk capacity currently
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
