I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
