i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
