Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize