So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
