I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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