Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
