So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
