Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
