I just cut my nipple shaving
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
