Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
