Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
