billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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