Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We have started to decorate penises.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
