Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
