I think i peed on brittanys purse
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize