what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
