so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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