operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
