he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
