Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
