I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
