yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
