Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
