there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
