Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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