I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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