I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
