"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
