i jhust puked up my retainher.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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