Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
