I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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