i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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