I didn't shave. On purpose
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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