Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
