You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
