To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
