We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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