He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
