like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
