im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Never underestimate the power of titties
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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