Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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