shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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