So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
