yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
