yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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