you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
