the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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