In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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