Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Text me some of your sweat
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
