Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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