I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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