Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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