That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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