I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
