That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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