hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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