I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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