Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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