I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
