i already hear my dad disowning me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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