Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
