dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
