Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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