I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need to align my fucking chakras
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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