So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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