if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
