i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Panties = found
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
